The old "If your dreams don't scare you.."

I would like a take a moment to be real with you. This stinks.

 There have been days where I came home and burst into tears explaining to my mom how difficult it can be to put on a brave face 24/7. I don't say this in order to receive pity, or attention. I think it's fair that you know this is not a cake walk. Yes, the initial shock has worn off. I have mentally accepted that my season of competitive dance is over, and I will not dance in my senior recital. However, I'm still mentally dealing with this everyday.

Now all of this is not to say my life isn't wonderful. I've found myself being showered with incredible friendships and achievements I had only dreamed of this year. 

I am also reaching a point in physical therapy in which I am a little scared. Time after time we say, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." Well then I think mine are mighty big enough. Jumping used to be fun to me, but let's get real, if you haven't jumped once in 4 months... It's gonna feel a little unnatural. It did. Now I'm feeling pretty confident. However, I still cringe at the sight of seeing someone else pop up in the air without a second thought. 

My first surgeon told me if you tear your ACL, you are 8 times more likely to tear it again. Optimistic right? That's about what I thought too... Honestly, in the first month or so after my injury I told my parents day in and day out I didn't want to dance again because I never wanted to feel this way again. But then I realized something more... I wanted dance as a career more than I was afraid of retearing. For me, this was very powerful. 

I'm convinced that when I return to dance I will be better than I have ever been before. When there is a dance about pain, or sadness, well I have inspiration for that. Watching in class it grinds my gears to see people not dancing and giving 100%. Why? Because I would give every fiber of my being to be doing what they are. 

So what are you afraid of? Sure there are doubts that creep in my mind sometimes, but I know that I'm taking steps to reach full recovery AND make my dreams of dancing come true. Whatever you want, don't let your fears keep you from achieving it. 

xoxo,

Heather 

Beauty out of dust.

Amongst the many challenges I have faced in the last few months, I have gained a few beautiful moments I wish I could stop in time. 

When I tore my ACL and meniscus in December, I truly felt my world crashing down around me. Dancing has never been what some would call a "hobby," or "a pageant talent" for me. Dance was, and still is, my life. It was what pushed me through my parents divorce, what helped me celebrate my mom as a survivor of breast cancer, and what is continually telling my life story and career aspirations. So when that was virtually taken away from me I felt scared. 

Most of you know, among the first questions I asked my doctor was, "Will I be able to dance for Miss Oklahoma?" The answer was a clear no, if I wanted to heal properly. I made the decision not to push my recovery, and to sing for Miss Oklahoma. For most people this came as a shock, but for me it was almost as if it was a dream come true. I had secretly wished to have a beautiful gown and not wear my hair in a bun for the talent portion of the competition. 

However, it's not that easy. I learned this quickly. I'll be honest, dance challenged me, but it was so natural and always just "came to me." The way motion flows through my body, the essence of stillness, amongst the contrast of sharp motion just made sense to me. Within a few minutes I could fully master a combination, and make it my own. In general, my life has been very fortunate. I do not deny that I have had most of my life handed to me. However, I have faced struggle and conflict in ways some people will not ever face in their lives as well. Main point being though, that I haven't worked so hard for something in a very long time. 

I could never have done it without my vocal coach, and dear friend. I needed someone who believed in me, and challenged me. I learned to make the notes perfectly on pitch... And then just as in dance, to make the song my own. As Talent Day is fast approaching along my journey of competing in Miss Oklahoma, I feel confident and proud of what I have done. I didn't just learn an easy song to "make due" for the talent I really wished I was doing, but I dove into something I didn't know about and fully worked to become the best I could be. To challenge myself as a singer and increase my value as a dancer in the working world. 

I feel very proud of myself, though I know I have plenty of room to continue to improve. Working hard for something felt incredible.  This is one of the most important trials of my life, and probably one of the most invigorating victories I have ever experienced. 

xoxo,

Heather 

Calling all Women!

Ladies. We all know one thing. 

Girls can be brutal. 

And isn't it wild that time after time the excuse is used, "Girls will be girls." No. I won't stand for it any longer. Today I am blogging on a very important message. 

LOVE your body. The number one thing I think women forget to do most in today's society is love themselves. It's a tough world out there, the least you can do is look in the mirror and think "I'm happy, pretty, sparkly, etc." But most women don't. Instead they look in the mirror and say " I'm short, I don't have (the infamous) a thigh gap, I'm not facially jaw dropping like Angelina Jolie." Well here's the deal ladies, you've got a lot of power in your hands. You just don't realize it. 

Whether you are a mother, a wife, a business woman making strides in the office, or a high school student you have the power to make people love your body and love YOU too! Let me speak from experience. It wasn't until this year I found that I am very watched by little eyes wondering around the dance studio. Those little princesses think the world of older students, and do just what they do. Recently I discovered I had a large window of opportunity here. So I began to use it. Every time I said hello to a little face (of which all I adore) I decided to greet them with a compliment like, "your hair looks so beautiful!" or "When you smile during practice your dance moves look even better!" And for my older friends, "wow you're looking tan." and "gosh I can tell you've been working out a lot! You go girl." Regardless of the compliment, I saw their faces light up. I feel so happy knowing something so small is building confidence and they don't even realize it. 

"Girls criticize each other, women empower each other."

Among one of my favorite little sayings, this speaks volumes of what we should be doing. Us women are a force to be reckoned with! Why tear each other down? In the news all the time is the crisis of "body image" in teens and young adults. The problem is WE let it continue. Why do we let ourselves compare to others? Sure the women on magazines are gorgeous, but so are you. 

Something I have been thinking about lately is the impact you can have by loving your body. I am strong, beautiful, happy, and driven. I glow when I smile and I'm comfortable without makeup. So what are you? Make it an effort to love things about yourself every day. 

In White House | Black Market in the dressing rooms they have compliments on the mirror. Unknowingly the sweet message made me smile! 

From here on out wake up and tell yourself one thing you just love about you! You'll be amazed how much better you feel. Healthy is beautiful.

xoxo, 

Heather