The old "If your dreams don't scare you.."

I would like a take a moment to be real with you. This stinks.

 There have been days where I came home and burst into tears explaining to my mom how difficult it can be to put on a brave face 24/7. I don't say this in order to receive pity, or attention. I think it's fair that you know this is not a cake walk. Yes, the initial shock has worn off. I have mentally accepted that my season of competitive dance is over, and I will not dance in my senior recital. However, I'm still mentally dealing with this everyday.

Now all of this is not to say my life isn't wonderful. I've found myself being showered with incredible friendships and achievements I had only dreamed of this year. 

I am also reaching a point in physical therapy in which I am a little scared. Time after time we say, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." Well then I think mine are mighty big enough. Jumping used to be fun to me, but let's get real, if you haven't jumped once in 4 months... It's gonna feel a little unnatural. It did. Now I'm feeling pretty confident. However, I still cringe at the sight of seeing someone else pop up in the air without a second thought. 

My first surgeon told me if you tear your ACL, you are 8 times more likely to tear it again. Optimistic right? That's about what I thought too... Honestly, in the first month or so after my injury I told my parents day in and day out I didn't want to dance again because I never wanted to feel this way again. But then I realized something more... I wanted dance as a career more than I was afraid of retearing. For me, this was very powerful. 

I'm convinced that when I return to dance I will be better than I have ever been before. When there is a dance about pain, or sadness, well I have inspiration for that. Watching in class it grinds my gears to see people not dancing and giving 100%. Why? Because I would give every fiber of my being to be doing what they are. 

So what are you afraid of? Sure there are doubts that creep in my mind sometimes, but I know that I'm taking steps to reach full recovery AND make my dreams of dancing come true. Whatever you want, don't let your fears keep you from achieving it. 

xoxo,

Heather