If you know what happens in 42 days you are a pageant fanatic, as am I. If you do not, I'll let you know.
In 42 days the most magical week of the year begins: Miss Oklahoma Week.
Regardless of what your history, knowledge, or experience with Miss Oklahoma week is, this blog post will be valuable. It's a huge lesson I learned this year in preparation and throughout my journey, and I know it will change the way I compete in June.
Every year on May 31st 45+ women arrive tanned, prepped, and sparkling with that twinkle in their eye that maybe, just maybe, they could leave this week as Miss Oklahoma. It is exciting, breathtaking really, to experience the rush you feel constantly throughout the week. And each Saturday night at the end of the competition I searched for my parents and let them know I was ready for next year. Nothing in the world has compared to Miss Oklahoma Week for me since I was eight years old.
At the age of thirteen I began competing as a teen, and I truly credit pageantry for shaping me into the woman I am today. Some life experiences though, can never prepare you for a few things that you experience and feel during Miss Oklahoma week.
Things such as: constant comparison to the gorgeous 5'7 blonde with bright blue eyes and a stick thin figure. Or maybe it's self doubt, "Was I enough?" "Did they really like me?" "Were those 'fluff' questions in my interview?"
No.
Yes. You are always enough. YES. I promise they liked you, stop worrying. No. Those weren't fluff questions, they seemed easy to you (mostly) because of the hours you put into studying the Syrian war or what animal you would be if you had to choose. (PS: why is that a question? It'll never happen!! )
If you have followed my blog throughout this journey I have been faced with this year you have probably seen me grow in a way I cannot even begin to describe. I know because of a torn ACL, I am a new person. I gained one giant thing: perspective. The perspective that says, "Don't you dare stand in front of me and mark your turns and leaps while I am practically being strapped to a chair to keep myself from wanting to dance." The perspective that says, "Your body needs time to heal. Stand up for your body, and do PT exercises at home 2 more times than you're told." And most importantly, the perspective that says, "Do not compare yourself. NO ONE but you is on this journey."
This changed my life in multiple ways. Comparison is an issue in society today. I think every 13 year old girl is hoping she is as gorgeous as so-and-so. Not only that, but as a dancer I spent on average 5 hours a day standing in front of a mirror, wishing my legs were longer and hating adagio for the entire 4 minutes my 5' stature had to be compared to a 5'8 one. Well you can bet that will never happen again. From here on out I'll just be thankful I can dance.
What I have found though to be my largest gain in my newfound lack of comparison, is in pageantry. Discovering I am my own person, with a journey designed specifically for me and only me was game changing. This year I have felt little to no need to wonder who looks better in their swimsuit than I do. Actually, when I step onstage in my suit Wednesday night I'll be proud of the proof I can put on stage that I am fully recovered and healthy. I've realized that who has more experience than me, may be wiser, but everyone has to start somewhere. I couldn't be more excited. Last weekend was contestants day, and I felt a lot of support and encouragement. I truly didn't compare myself to the other singers. How could I? 7 months ago I was choosing my music for my "ballet en pointe" performance at Miss Oklahoma. I know a lot of people have told me, "I know you'd rather be dancing." At this moment though, I would say no. I wouldn't, not this year. I'm proud of what I have done. And it's taught me that the comparison I have felt before, was the death of my success. Knowing that now, it would be suicide to allow myself to do that again.
I hope that you share this with any friend, woman, dancer, or pageant girl you know. Don't compare yourself people! Your journey is unique, and specific to the purpose designed to you. It would be a disservice to yourself to allow yourself to be anything besides what you are meant to be. Never second guess that. Never compare. It'll change your life.
It changed mine.
xoxo,
Heather
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